Broken. Betrayed. Confused.

It is almost 6 months now since I left my job in KL to come back to Melaka. Within this 6 months, so much has happened and so many things have changed. Within this 6 months, my life took a complete 180 degrees turn and I have to adapt to these changes which I've been living for 30 years of my life....and I was expected to change it in 6 months time!!!

When I just got back from KL, I was really depressed and stressed out most of the time to the extent of having hormonal imbalance and had to make visits to the clinic and hospital. Slowly, I managed to overcome that and treat life as if it's all back to normal. Hormone and all went back to normal.

And of course, the next phase of life kicked in on 15 October 2016. It was a fun night, everyone had fun and I am glad that everything went well.

But then, just when I was about to go back to my life as before, all these depression things start coming back. It is a fucking cycle... a deja vu! All the feeling of moody and gloomy and just wanting to be alone hit me again, just like when I just got back to Melaka. And it is made worse with all the compulsories rules and regulations, SOPs, cultures, whatever you name it which I have to follow, without giving me time to adjust. All I'm asking now is to give me some time to adjust! None of you gotta go through what I'm going now so NONE of you have the right to tell me what to do or to tell me what is right or wrong.

Adjusting my lifestyle.... that's like asking me to get a boy haircut. It sounds impossible but eventually if I have to, I will have to agree to it...but it takes time. Perhaps cut my hair bit by bit and slowly, it'll be shoulder length and then neck length and then tadaaa boy haircut! Even when I was being asked to move all my stuffs over, I can't be transferring ALL at one go.. it's definitely by stages. What more now we're talking about my heart. 95% of my heart is still at my own home (and in KL of course)... but what can you do when the people you thought you could rely on tell you the same thing as everyone else, tell you the same cinna shit - that you gotta try to adapt lar, it's like that one lar, that i will slowly get use to it lar, or shit like "cannot like thattttt you're now married, you belong to them"! Fuck nooo I am and will forever be Trina TAY, i dictate my own life and no one else should dictate my life!!!!! Marriage, to me, is to legally bind/ contract/ unite TWO person, and not everything else that comes with it. So why am I now bound to follow all these rules & regulations?

It is not enough that I was asked to leave KL  to come back to Melaka... but fine, since my parents are here, it's good that I can be by their side.
Then it is not enough that I was asked to leave the job I love to do to something I hate... but fine, I accept it because well, more flexible equals to more time for me to rest.
Then it is not enough that I have to stay at a new place now, I was expected to follow all the rules & regulations. Including going on a holiday trip during CNY eventhough I clearly said that I didn't want to! Enough is enough, give me a break!!!! This whole stupid chinese/ asian culture shit is giving me a fucking hard life. be like the western parents, they will want their kids to quickly get married and GTFO of the house.

No one has the right to judge me because you dunno shit. So I suggest all of you, everyone, to not talk logic with me now because none of your logic, to me, will be logical.

:((((

If ever i die suddenly, it'll be from stressing out over the smallest things! I'm so so so so so busy every single minute every single day that I dont even have time to sit down and drink a cup of plain water!!! Heeeellppp!!!!!!

Emomomo2

Such a beautiful song... 😢

Emomomo

https://youtu.be/YxZuKbMLKt8

Dunno how to insert youtube video from my phone so just copy & paste the link here..

Always feel so emotional after listening to this song zzz...

Sunshine

Today's post is about Lil Jolin... Just wanted to note it down for memory sake. 

So we were travelling back from KL last night - I was the driver, Jolin was sitting with mum at the front seat, and the rest of them were at the back seat. We stopped by McD drive-thru, bought happy meal for Jolin and some snacks for the rest (I kept mentioning "the rest" coz they're not important LOL). So Jolin had a few fries and nuggets and started coughing, so mum passed the happy meal to the back people. Then about 30 minutes later, this little rascal said:

Jolin: Eh, where is my McDonald?

*silence*

Jolin: At the back, don't eat my one ah. 

Hahahahahahhaa everyone burst out laughing. At her age, she knows how to talk like this calling those sitting behind "at the back" 😂

Maybe it doesn't sound funny now -_- but it was very funny when she said it hahaha! 

That's it =.= kthxbye

The lil rascal

#needalife2

Tonight is a night of ttm-ing again.. As usual, before a run the next day, I will have problem sleeping... spending most of the time thinking of everything in the world. Tonight won't be any better.. But hopefully, with the happy things I came across today (finally!), it'll help me to sleep :D

Good night world, good night silly me. 

Totally unrelated and irrelevant photo to go with this post but who cares..

hungryyyyyy

Had my favourite bowl of udon yesterday! Pic was taken after I whacked more than half of it :/

A simple bowl of udon but it brings back so much happy memories... I remember how I would always visit this udon place after work, after shopping around or whenever I did not know what to have for dinner. 

But oh well, things have changed. And so did the udon. I don't remember them serving the udon with that egg... Udon's still as good :)

I'm so freaking hungry right now :(( 

Stress? Hallucination? Depression? Or just TTM-ing?

http://timeforyoumag.com/9-signs-youre-overstressed-and-dont-know-it/

If it's true what this article says, i faced 95% of 'em... Am i screwed? :S

New addition to my Spotify playlist

On loop for like 6,477,968 times since it was added into my playlist... Don't really like the way she sings this song though, sounds a bit weird. But oh well, lazy to find for other better versions.

Friends forever

Was cleaning and organizing my room and found lotsa old stuff... Things which bring back so much memories. Can't help but to reminisce about the pasts. Oh how I wish I could turn back time and be a kid all over again...

While it's emotional enough to think about the past - the good and bad times, my Spotify doesn't help but to play one of my favourite songs - Graduation (Friends Forever) =.= We used to cry to this song during high school! :/ Makes me more emotional wtf!

Here ya go...

Now.... go wipe off your tears.

No title

At the end of the day, I will come back to you...because only you will not judge me.



*continues listening to emo songs*

Reality...

Rant#1

Somehow I feel like the day is extremely long today... It's been so many hours after I got home from work but when I look at the clock, one hour just passed. Probably because i'm all alone and somehow feeling extremely lonely :/ sigh.... While doing my mask and waiting for it to be done, I just sat down like a fool, staring at the wall, doing nothing...completely nothing. Sigh... Perhaps it's just me being all so emotional lately... Last time I'm so used to fill up my days after work with dinner with colleagues, happy hour, stay back at office doing nothing, movies, badminton, steamboat, shopping, etc. Now, i get back home, switch on my laptop and watch youtube videos -_- if not then I'll exercise. I love to exercise though just that I feel so damn sleepy each time after I get back home..and ended up taking a nap...just like today -_- Nevertheless, I'm enjoying the kpop videos I'm all crazy over now so it's cool! 

I'm feeling a lil hungry now wtf! 

And feeling sleepy already... That's good I guess because I really have hard time dozing off every night sigh...

Gonna sleep now, good night.... <3

Life

Having to leave a place where you have learnt so much,
a place where you have known so many good friends,
a place where you have built relationship which will last forever,
a place where you realised that you have not explored enough,
a place where you want to put your heart and soul in,
a place where you don't mind waking up in the morning just because you wanna be there,
a place where you got to have all fun and joy which you did not experience before,
a place where you actually call your second home,
a place where.......you know you will feel sad and despair once you leave....
Is not easy.

But in life, you have to make choices, whether you like it or not. Whether it is for selfish reason, or for the betterment of any living soul or because you just want to, the decision is yours. I have made mine. And I really hope it is for the very best.

 

All the best to me

Heartbroken

I feel so heartbroken today... No words can describe how im feeling right now.... :'((((((

o.o

Stressssssssss!!!
 














Ahhhhhhh!! *vomits diarrhea*