1 day!!!

It's thursday today and tomorrow is Friday Friday!! 2 weeks gone just like that and on Saturday I can finally meet my love of my life again!!! Damn damn excited!!

Lack of post from me for the past few days can only prove one thing!! That I am actually capable of holding on and for the fact that I've stopped crying after a few days, I think I can actually do a LDR... though if given a choice, I will never want it =_= Still sucks though without him around. The time difference and how we can only communicate through emails and whatsapp. He's gone to UK for 2 weeks and I only called him through Viber once!! ONCE!! Can you believe it -_- I know I'm a little dependent and clingy sometimes, but hey, gimme some time to change will ya? There have always been someone there for me since long ago and for a moment like this you ask me to be all on my own, it's a lil hard sometimes... I'm learning =) And I think I did great!

Meh meh mehhh.... It's Friday tomorrow!!!


*****************************************************

Oh before I forget, I had mixed feelings of happy and sad yesterday. I had to go to client's place in Sentul and as usual, I got lost a bit and was driving around Sentul. Then, drove by a place where it looked so familiar to me... Guess where?? Oh yeahhh... the place I grew up when I was little!! It brings alot of memory to me each time I think about that place and that period of time we were there. We were so little, no worries, playing at the front yard with sis, bro, and cousinsss...yeah lots of them! Smurf paintings on the wall...oh yeahhh mum painted em!! Coz my house wall was blue colour...like dark blue (coz I lived in a freaking kampung papan house!), so mum drew smurfs on the wall and painted white for their heads hahah!! Yeah those are the good times and by thinking of those times really cheer me up and light up my day! But somehow, I'll feel sad. Those place I grew up in, are no longer there. It's a highway now.

I miss em =(

Sometimes...

Honestly speaking, if you ask me now, I really don't think I can do a LDR. I'm not sure about next time or even next year, but for now, it sucks to the max and I hate it. I really do. The first day was the worse and to think back of how I felt, I somehow know how a break up feels like..or rather, for comparison purpose in this case =\ Knowing that you can't see or even speak to the person anymore, staying in the room alone, not wanting to talk to anyone, just sitting down there thinking and feeling so lost and scared, and all you do is to just cry... and cry to sleep. It's never easy I can tell you.

That's what happen when you're deeply in love with a person. You love them so much that they're always on top of the priority. But I'm sure it's different for everyone. Some people have other kinda priorities in life.... Well, not wanting to go further on this. Lets just cut the crap and get some good sleep tonight.

I seriously think I'm having depression. I've not smiled for days. I can cry anytime of the day. I cried watching a comedy. I'm always so moody and gloomy.

Sometimes, I just hate to live the way I am now. Or frankly speaking, I hate to live.

11 days

It's the fourth day today since he left to UK. Yeah it's only 2 weeks you say, but it's a big deal for me if it's not for you. But today is a great achievement for me, I haven't cried yet and didn't really disturb him by messaging him a lot of unnecessary smses =) "Haven't cried yet" huh... Yeah, normally when it comes to sleeping time, that's when I start to ttm shit and tears come flowing down. But for the whole day, being the lousy me, staying this strong is an achievement so fuck you and live with it =) Work keeps me busy and that is a good thing. I drank a lot since he left. Just to keep me half awake and not to think a lot. I wonder how other people can maintain a LDR. I'm sure he could too... To be honest, I can't. I'm suffering. And he's going to US next year. That's why I'm giving myself a test now. Well, first few days was hell. Today is alright =) But hey, can't really use this as a guide or sumthing coz he's only going for 2 weeks this time. US will be 3 years babe.

Down

It's only 3rd of July today. 13 days more to go before I can see him again. I really thought it'd be easy because I'm so used to not seeing him... But it's really not easy. I'm feeling so depressed every minute of the day. I just don't feel like doing anything or talk to anybody. Sucks.

Attended Ping Ping's birthday yesterday. It was alright and thank God no awkward moments. Those little kids are adorable. After dinner went to Cheras to join my parents. They are down to celebrate Mun Mun's birthday. They held a party for her, which I missed it coz I attended Ping Ping's dinner. Mum should've told me earlier that they'll be celebrating a birthday party. Sigh. But meeting up with my parents is kinda awesome. I'm like a princess all over again =)

Just got back home from Cheras coz there's no internet connection there and I can't do anything!! Cried again. And again. And again. I can't hold my tears I dunno why. Hate this feeling. Tomorrow's another working day. Sigh.

14 days to go!

Uncle has just left to UK for 2 weeks. I'm feeling so so down, depressed, sad, lonely, emo.... Yeah though we don't normally meet except for weekends coz I'm working here in KL and he's in Malacca, but when it comes to things like this, saying goodbye is really really tough. I cried so much I think my eyes are gonna pop out =_= Even for normal weekends whenever he goes back to Malacca after our Sunday night dinner, I'll always feel so sad. Sigh. I can't imagine how it'll be like when he goes to US. Why oh why must things like this happen to me? Am I not unlucky enough with all the things that have been happening to me?

I love him a lot. I really do. Please let this guy love me as much as I'm in love with him =(

I'm just afraid one day, he'll come to me and say he doesn't love me anymore. Guess I'm feeling that insecure huh...

But I know one thing for sure now... He loves me a lot and he cares so much for me. And I'm ever so grateful for that =)