Broken. Betrayed. Confused.

It is almost 6 months now since I left my job in KL to come back to Melaka. Within this 6 months, so much has happened and so many things have changed. Within this 6 months, my life took a complete 180 degrees turn and I have to adapt to these changes which I've been living for 30 years of my life....and I was expected to change it in 6 months time!!!

When I just got back from KL, I was really depressed and stressed out most of the time to the extent of having hormonal imbalance and had to make visits to the clinic and hospital. Slowly, I managed to overcome that and treat life as if it's all back to normal. Hormone and all went back to normal.

And of course, the next phase of life kicked in on 15 October 2016. It was a fun night, everyone had fun and I am glad that everything went well.

But then, just when I was about to go back to my life as before, all these depression things start coming back. It is a fucking cycle... a deja vu! All the feeling of moody and gloomy and just wanting to be alone hit me again, just like when I just got back to Melaka. And it is made worse with all the compulsories rules and regulations, SOPs, cultures, whatever you name it which I have to follow, without giving me time to adjust. All I'm asking now is to give me some time to adjust! None of you gotta go through what I'm going now so NONE of you have the right to tell me what to do or to tell me what is right or wrong.

Adjusting my lifestyle.... that's like asking me to get a boy haircut. It sounds impossible but eventually if I have to, I will have to agree to it...but it takes time. Perhaps cut my hair bit by bit and slowly, it'll be shoulder length and then neck length and then tadaaa boy haircut! Even when I was being asked to move all my stuffs over, I can't be transferring ALL at one go.. it's definitely by stages. What more now we're talking about my heart. 95% of my heart is still at my own home (and in KL of course)... but what can you do when the people you thought you could rely on tell you the same thing as everyone else, tell you the same cinna shit - that you gotta try to adapt lar, it's like that one lar, that i will slowly get use to it lar, or shit like "cannot like thattttt you're now married, you belong to them"! Fuck nooo I am and will forever be Trina TAY, i dictate my own life and no one else should dictate my life!!!!! Marriage, to me, is to legally bind/ contract/ unite TWO person, and not everything else that comes with it. So why am I now bound to follow all these rules & regulations?

It is not enough that I was asked to leave KL  to come back to Melaka... but fine, since my parents are here, it's good that I can be by their side.
Then it is not enough that I was asked to leave the job I love to do to something I hate... but fine, I accept it because well, more flexible equals to more time for me to rest.
Then it is not enough that I have to stay at a new place now, I was expected to follow all the rules & regulations. Including going on a holiday trip during CNY eventhough I clearly said that I didn't want to! Enough is enough, give me a break!!!! This whole stupid chinese/ asian culture shit is giving me a fucking hard life. be like the western parents, they will want their kids to quickly get married and GTFO of the house.

No one has the right to judge me because you dunno shit. So I suggest all of you, everyone, to not talk logic with me now because none of your logic, to me, will be logical.

:((((

If ever i die suddenly, it'll be from stressing out over the smallest things! I'm so so so so so busy every single minute every single day that I dont even have time to sit down and drink a cup of plain water!!! Heeeellppp!!!!!!