Unworthy

Is it stupid to fight for something you think worth fighting for only to find out that at the end of the day, you’re the only one fighting for it whereas everyone else is not?

Home

Most people call their home, home.
But there are some people who would call the hospital or the police station their home.
All due to their own doing. Mark my word.

Trust no one

... except for yourself. No one, not even people around you... for they can be manipulative, full of lies and never ever is truthful... You’re just being a fool again and again for trusting someone so much but at the end of the day, realised that the joke’s on you.

Stay strong

Stay strong.... it’s the advice I get the most lately. However strong one person can be, they’ll eventually break down after all the never ending lies and hurt one has to go through...

Let’s see how strong this ironlady can be...

“Fight till the very end” is the goal...

I

...am at the verge of giving up.

Effort

"Put in the effort or someone else will" - Unknown.

So true, applies in every aspect of our lives. In whatever you do, in whatever situation, with whomever and whenever. Everything requires effort. If you don't put in some effort, sooner or later, someone else will...

Morons

Sometimes I wonder how come people who are considered smart can ask/ make stupid and fucking idiotic questions/ remarks! Damn annoying! C'mon laaa... these people are old and supposedly wise enough to know how to process the thoughts in their head before saying or asking stupid things and make them look like some fuking idiotic morons. You have your problems, go approach the person and ask/ talk to them... don't always fucking come to me or other people and ask me EVERY SINGLE TIME! I'm not God laaa for goodness sake.... you come to me/ us won't make any difference! You guys are treating me like I'm a God or a fucking GPS tracker... like as if I know every fucking thing! And while I'm still feeling so fucking annoyed with all these people stupidity, true enough you proved it right by just coming to me AGAINNNNNN!!!!!!!!! Chao ma haiiii ci bai larrrr! You wanna know how stupid you sound sometimes?

1. "The medicine that the doctor give how come not enough for 1 month? Isn't it supposed to be for 1 month? How come less 1-2 days meds? Or not you go earlier 1 day for the follow up la and ask for meds..." --- C'mon laaaa.... less 1 day meds what difference does it make? 29 days worth of meds also don't make a difference, that 1 day will make a difference? Just because one episode happened, and that immediately triggered them to come out with some "genius" thoughts of theirs.

2. "Must be drink a lot of alcohol... cannot drink so much one, tell you don't want to listen. You're just hurting your own body.... bla bla bla bla bla bla..". 5 minutes later... "Sure he drink a lot of alcohol one.."... "Does he still drink a lot of alcohol?", she asked. "No....", the reply she get. 3 minutes later... "I think he still drinks...". Then why even fucking bother asking if your assumptions are already bloody hardcoded in your fucking mindset...!

3. "I think his sleeping time all upside down already... must get him to adjust back bla bla bla bla..". Ehhh just because that 1 day he slept through the whole afternoon, then whoahhh immediately concluded that his sleeping time all upside down. Fuck you laaa cibai!

4. During one of those episodes... "He must start to exercise....". Hello? Then every time before this that swimming sessions are considered what? Synchronised dancing in the pool? That's not exercise then what?

SOooooooooooooooooooooooo many other idiotic things/ questions they said/ asked I don't even bother typing it out... because that will take days to even complete it.

These fucking morons... every time something happened, they will panic and start to think of so many creative things...and coming up with their own assumptions and conclusions. You people are the cause of everything that has happened and now you people are trying to find people to put the blame on... put the blame on everybody except for yourself. So u can go fuck yourself...!

Gold Coast Marathon 2018

In just about 1.5 weeks more, I'll be running at the Gold Coast Marathon!! OMG I'm so excited! I've been training regularly but the distance just isn't enough coz always lack of time T__T I need to at least have a few 21km training and if possible, I wanna do a 25-28km final training. Let's see if I can do it this weekend..! It'll be the last weekend before I fly off to Australia already... super nervous yet super exciting!

This will be my 4th full marathon so far and I heard that it has the most even surface for a marathon so achieving a really good timing means a lot to me!

Needs lotsa motivation for the next 1.5 weeks for proper training!

Good Luck to me!!!

End

Sometimes, we don't wan't certain things to end... but at times like this, I always ask myself when will all this end? I can't wait for it to end... I've almost forgotten how "normal" feels like anymore. Nothing is "normal" anymore. Changes there are, abundant... and I guess we just gotta learn to adapt to it. I am learning to adapt and will do whatever it takes to bring back things to normal.. It'll not take weeks or months, it'll take years. Years.... By then, who knows how old everyone's gonna be... but what choices do we have? Like I said, just learn to adapt and take things slowly... and hopefully, one day, we can all achieve the big dream - of being normal again... when all of the current "issues" go off, if ever it goes off it is...

Patience. Patience. Patience.

I pray that it will happen sooner... I know, accumulation of mental stress over the years can't be deleted just overnight. It'll take the equal number of years to get rid of it.... but still, being positive about every negative things helps me to stay alive so far. So stay optimistic it is!

Story of a boy

Story of a young boy.....

...who was a happy kid, just like any other kids. Smart, bright and intellectually gifted. But as years passed, circumstances around him prevented him from achieving the one goal in his life - that is to reach for the stars. The once happy kid slowly lose all hope and faith and eventually, when constant sadness conquer his feelings, then depression strikes... But the story doesn't end here, because this boy here is wise - he will pick himself up and will reach for the stars one day. We all know he will... because he deserves it.

...story to be continued... when the time comes.

Story of a girl

Story of a girl......

.... who finds her way to pick herself up, dust herself off and soldier on... to find the brighter side of life... despite failures, never-ending issues and constant mental harassment...
Have courage, and be brave, says her... for you'll never know where it will lead you to...


PS: First "comic strip" by me :) Maybe I should start doing this more often. Kinda fun :))

Shackled

It is true that people always say that the grass is always greener on the other side... you'll never know how it is until you're already on the other side. Weird how when I was younger, naive and when I was just like any other "ordinary" human, I would look at some people and thought to myself how I wish I can one day be just like them. And now that I am one of them, I wish so much how I can be just like the "ordinary" people I used to be. I guess this is just part and parcel of life huh? Not saying that I regret with the decisions I've made which lead me to where I am right here, right now, writing this post, but sometimes when you look back, you would realise and appreciate how much simpler and happier a life can be when you were younger...

My point is, no one knows what will happen if you were to make a decision. Along the way in your life, there are many decisions to be made. No matter what decision you chose at a certain point of your life, whether you made it hastily or after a thorough thought, there will always be consequences - it's a matter of good or bad consequences. If good things come out of it, then that's great. But if it's a bad one or rather not one you expected, then there's no time for self-pity because it was you who made the decision. 

Like in my case, 2 years ago I resigned from the job I love and ended my career where I felt could lead me to something great. Along the way, I was "forced" to leave my job to come back Melaka... from countless people and on countless occasions. At the end of the day, when the time came, I had to make a decision... and I decided to resign and leave everything I've built over the years to come back to Melaka. Of course coming back here, the life isn't as exciting (for lack of word) as it was in KL. But there'll always be pros and cons. And I appreciate both. 

But at the end of the day, no matter how much I miss my job and life in KL and no matter how much I hate my current job, I must ask myself this one question - who made that decision? Yes, I was "forced" to come back, but by force I meant I was pressured. No one pointed a gun to my head and forced me to make a decision. I myself made that decision although I did it unwillingly and of course, for every decision you make, there's a reason behind it. Undoubtedly, there'll be some cases where there really aren't any options for us to choose at all... those are forced decisions, whether we like it or not. But like I've said earlier, there'll always be a reason to justify for the actions or decisions which we made.. maybe we're just not aware of it. Therefore, there's really no time for self-pity and feel bitter about it. For me, all I have to do is to move on with my life and try to find the bit of happiness along the way.

Decisions made in the past, stays in the past. There's really no way we can turn back time to make amends. We can only pick ourselves up and move forward. For as long as we hate our lives cause of the decisions or actions you yourself or someone else made in the past and never be able to let that off, then there's no way to move on with life. No way. Because the past will keep coming back to haunt you.... unless, you forgive and forget and move on. No matter how much time or effort have been invested or wasted, you just gotta let go. Only then, you'll notice that your life becomes brighter...

Do not be shackled by the imaginary chains.... 

Monday story

Nothing particularly interesting about my life for me to share these days. Day in, day out, it's the same old routine. Nothing exciting, nothing outstanding, nothing worth to share. Even if there is one, it's not something I would wanna share.

So what can I say... just pray hard for better days ahead.. one which is filled with constant joy and happiness.

Ahh waittt maybe I have something to share....! So, I bought some books from Big Bad Wolf few weeks ago and I am so glad to say that I managed to finish one (rather thin) book just within a few days! So proudda myself :p I don't normally read books but for that particular book, I've been wanting to purchase it long ago  many years back on different occasions but it was always too pricey :/ Since I saw it on sale for just RM10, without hesitation I grabbed it heheh...

And somehow, I also bought an "Adult Colouring Book" =_= Never knew that there's such book.. it's actually just like any other kids colouring book, but with very much more details and of course will take me hours to complete just one page I guess. Good way to pass time! That'll be next on my list to make my life a little more exciting... Well, like I've always said, I am a very positive person. I'll always try to make my life more cheerful although it is mundane as hell by finding things which can make me feel the joy - such as running, watching happy videos and laugh to myself haha and right now, probably colouring :D

Oklar, that's all for today. Back to work. Back to facing the reality. Back to facing negativity and try to turn that into something positive. Back to my own little happy world.

Sweet dreams

I think of all people whom I know, I think I am glad to say that I myself am one of the strongest people I know... I am strong physically, mentally and emotionally. All I needed is to cry my lungs out after a torturous night of non-stop thinking and being all emotional...and I’ll wake up all refreshed, just like a new life being bestowed upon me! That’s one thing I am always  thankful about... that I could do that easily...not one that could be done by just anybody. Guess in some ways, I’m great too huh..

But oh well, I just gotta stay strong... if I don’t, all of us, everything and we, gonna crumble together.. I know there’s always hope...because I have faith....

After all the mixed feelings and ecstatic excitement from the recent election, I guess it’s time to get a good sleep... so, good night and sweet dreams folks :D

Back to reality

Just got back from family trip.. It was a really wonderful one. Rarely get to go on a holiday with my family and I am glad that the old folks enjoyed themselves a lot :D

But oh well, guess it's time to go back and face the reality... work and unnecessary stress. First question/ comments from her was "How is he when he was there? ..... Why? ....wanna go see doctor? .... when? .....etc. etc.". Fucking annoying.

Just fucking leave me alone laaaaaaaaaaaaa..........!

Fuckkkk

It's so fucking annoying when people just walk up to you and ask if this person has gone to do this thing or why hasn't this person gone to do that thing or like just 2 minutes ago asking if this person has left and did this person go get that thing done, etc. etc. etc. etc.?

OHMAIGOSHHHH just fucking leave my life alone!!!! FUCKING ANNOYINGGGG!!!!

If you have anything to ask or say, just fucking go ask that person directly! Stop putting my life in between all this shitty things... One day I'm sure I'm gonna explode and won't give two fucks anymore and when that happens, things are gonna be ugly I swear.

It

My life has always been so colourful and dandy until a certain someone ("it") just decides to screw my life with its beliefs that its philosophy of life is the way of life. Problem is, its philosophy of life is not mainly intended for me but it is intended to be imposed on someone else... Now the bigger problem is, it is always using me to convey these philosophies to the intended user and putting so much pressure and stress on me..! Now you might ask why it doesn't just share her philosophies with the end user but always have to go through me? Well, maybe I'm just too nice I guess :X

I've always been a good listener and a yes-girl when I'm around it because as a sign of respect, I wouldn't want to hurt it's feelings to tell it that its philosophies and advices about how we should live our lives suck... but respect is respect, and so I bear with it... It is not all sucky I gotta admit, but the way it lives its life is very different from mine and the people around me, but it still thinks that its way is the ultimate way to go.

But lately, I've just given up on being the nice person anymore. It's been so torturing to be stuck in the middle trying to play so many parts when in actual fact, this shouldn't be my role at all.

It is extremely annoying, yes. So much so that one day I might just scream into it's face once and for all and ask it to please just leave my life alone.

Chaooocibaiiii.......................

Family trip to Australia

Yeeeapppppp feeling damn excited for my upcoming family trip to Australia! Rarely get to do this kinda family trip and it's gonna be our first ever family trip to a western country! Being the cinna them, hopefully my parents can adapt to the culture there la... :/ It's gonna be a 2 weeks long trip! In between, I slotted in a 4-days road trip (from Melbourne to Sydney) in a motorhome!!!

Thisssss....... a motorhome/ RV!!!

Yesss...! We're gonna travel, eat, shit and sleep in this!! It's a first for all of us so I'm actually super excited about it! The thought of having to drive this huge thing is a bit scary but I'm sure when the time comes, everythings gonna be fine... :X I hope..... Hahaha!

Just trying to do my best to provide whatever I could to my parents while they're still around :/ Letting them experience a once in a lifetime road trip like this has always been my dream.... Well, recently, there has been so many deaths of people I know... and each time, you see people burning "money" to the dead... just makes me ponder more on giving the old folks more now that they're alive, don't wait till they're gone before you give them lotsa "money"... no point right. So..... please, do your best to give whatever you could to your old folks! <3

PS: I'm hoping that I'll be able to find a time to write about my Japan trip... before the memories start to fade wtf. Aging problem zzzz