Dad was admitted to hospital this afternoon. He fell down into a drain or something and couldn't walk after that. I do not know to what extent the injury is, but I'm just so worried. Though so many things happened this year, especially with the maid issue and all, I still love him a lot. And I care for my parents, just sometimes, don't really know how to express it. Sigh. How come we weren't raised in an ang moh way...
Just pray hard everything will be fine and goes well. I do not want anything to happen to him. Nobody wants anything to happen.
Aside from that, I realised something today while I was all alone thinking about everything in the world. Actually I realised this quite sometime ago but only really felt it recently. From what you hear and what you see, you can really tell how different a person can be. Not gonna post about this right now, maybe some other time when I'm all emo again.
Another random topic, saw on facebook that my friend just gave birth. My batch. High school friend. My age. From back back class. Now she's in Singapore, married, with a child, living happily..... how nice huh. I wish to have a family of my own too. Just that I think I'll have to wait for another "5 years". I'll be 30 years old by then. It's actually very late considering how early women get married and have kids these days. But then, it's a good thing. At least we can give each other some time to really really know ourselves better, you know, you just don't wanna regret anything....
So yeah, just random thoughts about random things. Ciao...
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
I have issue
Dear Diary,
Today, I've just realised that there hasn't been any 'happy' post from me anymore. It's always some meaningless emo blogpost of me ranting how pathetic my life is now. Where has all my excitement gone too? Am I living in a life I've always wanted to? Or am I just enduring what I do not want? The path ahead of me has always been unclear and it seems like it's getting worse now. I'm really scared that one day, I couldn't take it and will just lose faith on myself and let it go. I do not want that to happen because one year ago, I imagined that my life will be a fun, enjoyable and exciting one, filled with new adventures and loves and the so many other things I've always wanted! Where have all of that gone to? There are no more dreams and desire for me to look forward to anymore. I'm just some old nagging girl who nobody wants and some might find me very annoying for asking too much as if they do not know how to take care of themselves or etc.
I'm extremely tired of life. But I do not want to end it here. I know I love my life now and I know it'll be better someday. I've always wished for that someday to come faster.
Trina
Today, I've just realised that there hasn't been any 'happy' post from me anymore. It's always some meaningless emo blogpost of me ranting how pathetic my life is now. Where has all my excitement gone too? Am I living in a life I've always wanted to? Or am I just enduring what I do not want? The path ahead of me has always been unclear and it seems like it's getting worse now. I'm really scared that one day, I couldn't take it and will just lose faith on myself and let it go. I do not want that to happen because one year ago, I imagined that my life will be a fun, enjoyable and exciting one, filled with new adventures and loves and the so many other things I've always wanted! Where have all of that gone to? There are no more dreams and desire for me to look forward to anymore. I'm just some old nagging girl who nobody wants and some might find me very annoying for asking too much as if they do not know how to take care of themselves or etc.
I'm extremely tired of life. But I do not want to end it here. I know I love my life now and I know it'll be better someday. I've always wished for that someday to come faster.
Trina
Thursday, May 19, 2011
My fault...
Went in the elevator justnow and nearly got raped by a fucking negro guy! Stupid Ali or whatever fuck his name is. Bumped into him a few times before and many times he asked for my number but I didn't give. This time, while going up to the 18th floor, he pushed me to the side of the elevator and started touching my waist and his cibai hand slowly going up. And then his fucking face came to me and tried kissing me macaohai. Fucking disgusting!!! Came out at the 18th floor where he's living coz I was afraid he'd do shit in the lift. Then he grabbed my hand and asked me to go to his house to which of course I refused to. Then he asked for my number again and said shit like "I really like you. We can be together and I'll marry you. I am serious...I really like you." Fuckkkk you larrrrr!!
And sigh...it's my fault again. For not being brave enough.
And sigh...it's my fault again. For not being brave enough.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Far farr back
My baby just left back to Malacca =( Really hate it when I'm alone here. We had so much fun whenever he's around and it's even more sucky when I gotta work tomorrow. Sigh.
I do not know how my future will be especially with my lousy CGPA and hopeless career, every single day I'll think of this and yet, it doesn't lead me to anywhere. I'm planning to sit for any paper, any exam, any professional paper, ICAEW or ACCA or CFA or anything! But it's not that easy!! I need to pay for deposit, I need to forego a lot of things, I need to balance between work and study! How can I do that? How could anyone do that?? Besides people with money or sponsorship or smart asses people. I'm neither. I need to pay on my own, and it's not small amount of money. It comes up to thousands of dollars. Where on the earth can I find that money??! Sighh....
I'm such a useless person with no commitment to work and no desire to achieve for the better. I want it but I did nothing to get it. I am nowhere in the world now. Everyone I know has gone so far and I'm so far back...
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Lo siento
I'm sorry that I did it again,
Seems like I've never changed,
It's my mistake that I should've informed,
And my safety I shouldn't ignore,
I know I've promised you and all,
But I broke it again just like before.
I'm sorry that this had to happen,
Especially right after 3 days of our lovely moment,
Guess I should've learned my lesson,
I'm sorry for the wrong decision I had chosen.
I'm sorry that I made you worry,
Keeping you up even though you were sleepy,
Just to wait for me to reach home safely,
The fact that I did not tell you, I feel really guilty,
All I can is I am really sorry.
Seems like I've never changed,
It's my mistake that I should've informed,
And my safety I shouldn't ignore,
I know I've promised you and all,
But I broke it again just like before.
I'm sorry that this had to happen,
Especially right after 3 days of our lovely moment,
Guess I should've learned my lesson,
I'm sorry for the wrong decision I had chosen.
I'm sorry that I made you worry,
Keeping you up even though you were sleepy,
Just to wait for me to reach home safely,
The fact that I did not tell you, I feel really guilty,
All I can is I am really sorry.
I'm nobody
Went for towerthon race today at KL tower with Chee and Vivien. We had to climb 2038 steps, 70+ floors! The few practices we had weren't sufficient actually but hell we managed to finish it in 35 mins! Awesome right! Not sure bout our ranking yet tho coz that will be posted online but I'm so happy that not only I did not give up, I reached the finishing line before my two buddies! Hehe...
Everything was well until when we had to take the elevator down to the ground floor. Waited for more than ONE FUCKING HOUR!! And everyone was pushing like fuck!! Damn stupid organiser! This shit happens every fuking year can't they fuking do something about it?? At least make everyone queue dammit! We started at 10.11pm and I'm done at 10.45pm. Waited for the elevator and managed to reached the ground floor at 11.59pm! Cb! Juuuust in time to call mummy to wish her Happy Mother's Day..!
And yeah, was contemplating whether to drive back or not after that coz it was very late already. Initally, everything was supposed to be done by 10.30pm but those organisers were fucking each other and wasted our time so started late and ended damn late! Andddd yeah I came back Malacca without informing Sim because I knew he wouldn't want me to come back at such hour. I really wanna come back. That's all I thought of. I made him very worried. A lot. Not only he din know I was heading back to Malacca, he was waiting for me to reach Ridzuan by staying up. I am truly sorry dear, I know you won't see this, but I am really sorry for what I've done. I am not a person with wise decision, I am not smart... What was on my mind that moment was I just wanna go back Mlk for Mother's Day. And now, with my stupidity, I managed to make him worried and upset over this.
Sigh what a day. It was supposed to be a good day for me. Now I've ruined everything.
Everything was well until when we had to take the elevator down to the ground floor. Waited for more than ONE FUCKING HOUR!! And everyone was pushing like fuck!! Damn stupid organiser! This shit happens every fuking year can't they fuking do something about it?? At least make everyone queue dammit! We started at 10.11pm and I'm done at 10.45pm. Waited for the elevator and managed to reached the ground floor at 11.59pm! Cb! Juuuust in time to call mummy to wish her Happy Mother's Day..!
And yeah, was contemplating whether to drive back or not after that coz it was very late already. Initally, everything was supposed to be done by 10.30pm but those organisers were fucking each other and wasted our time so started late and ended damn late! Andddd yeah I came back Malacca without informing Sim because I knew he wouldn't want me to come back at such hour. I really wanna come back. That's all I thought of. I made him very worried. A lot. Not only he din know I was heading back to Malacca, he was waiting for me to reach Ridzuan by staying up. I am truly sorry dear, I know you won't see this, but I am really sorry for what I've done. I am not a person with wise decision, I am not smart... What was on my mind that moment was I just wanna go back Mlk for Mother's Day. And now, with my stupidity, I managed to make him worried and upset over this.
Sigh what a day. It was supposed to be a good day for me. Now I've ruined everything.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
To my love...
What happened one year ago, or even several years back, really means a lot to me. I love to think how things have changed and how it changes my life. Especially to think back how it all started just light up my day, each time =)
Since a year ago, things have changed a lot. Good or bad, nobody knows but what I know is that as of today, I am a happy girl! It’s a period of worthy time spent with him. We went through lotsa shit and as time goes by, we learn to understand each other better, and that’s really essential. He taught me that.
They say nobody is perfect, yes that’s very true…but I’ll say that he’s near perfect, well at least he is for me. So what does this near perfect person has that I’d fall for him? Let me tell you about this lameassh! :P
1. Yeah he’s lame. And I love the fact that he’s super lame! Oh how much have you made me laugh even just by the simplest lame jokes/comments you said. I still remember ‘kah motor’ lol.
2. He’s very caring… yeahh boring point I know, but goddamn he is! He cares for every single little things about not just me, but everyone around him. And he cares for everyone sincerely. Without even a thought of gaining returns. That’s what I was attracted back then, and still do. Still remember how he cared for me when I was at the worse time of my life. Thanks abang =) Also how you gave me things I really wanted and would die for…you know what =)
3. He’s very observant and keipo =P That’s another reason why I love him coz if he’s not, he might have been caught by many other girls out there long ago. He’ll always condemn almost everyone he sees especially if you’re a cinna or a chod lol. Oh hell his specialty is eavesdropping people’s conversation wtf! Yo keipo, I find that cute!
4. I love it when he’ll just come and grab my hand…
5. I love to hear him talk. He talks a looott. Lol… That makes him very special…to me. Also how he’ll always freakingly quote any shit from movies, philosophers, politicians, spongebob, cinnas, anybody! You name it!
6. I love his goldfish lips!
7. How for fuck sake he always sound so convincing -_-
8. I love how he likes to talk like Barney (not the purple monster) with the high pitch “whattt?”.
9. I love how he’ll always educate me with so many scientific terms and stuff and information and videos etc. Then I’ll forget half of it the day after =_= But heyy, at least I’m not that stupid anymore!
10. He’s an OCD. Some might find that very annoying but I find it very cute :P His actions never fail to make me smile.
11. I like the fact that not only he’s quite racist lol, but he’s a person with a very strong stand and of course, a science person. Just love how he’ll always present his thoughts and speech with scientific proofs and facts.
12. And he’s a food lover! You know how much I love to eat! Seafood especially! The countless places that we’ve been to, though it added so much Kgs to me not you, but it’s just superb each time!
The list can go on and on and I might need months to finish it, but I’d like to stop at 12 =) And I think I don’t have to say it out all here…because we have the many more years to come for me to tell it to you. And you, SSH, will always have to remind me and feed me with more gingko that how lucky I am to have you.
While typing this, I’m listening to the one song that will always remind me of the best moments…moments that I will never want to forget. Song by Emily Saliers =) I do not know why, but each time I listen to this, I’ll just think of the silly things we did. Like how we cheated the basketball arcade game just to get the tickets, the very first time you brought me to Daorae, the webcam moments during my training, and the ride home back to Malacca, the day that I thought I had a hearing problem because I couldn’t believe what I heard =P These moments mean a lot to me.
It has been a splendid year for me, minus the bad times. All the things that lead me to you, I thank every bit of it. I love you.
Thank you for being there for me and thanks for the wonderful year!
Since a year ago, things have changed a lot. Good or bad, nobody knows but what I know is that as of today, I am a happy girl! It’s a period of worthy time spent with him. We went through lotsa shit and as time goes by, we learn to understand each other better, and that’s really essential. He taught me that.
They say nobody is perfect, yes that’s very true…but I’ll say that he’s near perfect, well at least he is for me. So what does this near perfect person has that I’d fall for him? Let me tell you about this lameassh! :P
1. Yeah he’s lame. And I love the fact that he’s super lame! Oh how much have you made me laugh even just by the simplest lame jokes/comments you said. I still remember ‘kah motor’ lol.
2. He’s very caring… yeahh boring point I know, but goddamn he is! He cares for every single little things about not just me, but everyone around him. And he cares for everyone sincerely. Without even a thought of gaining returns. That’s what I was attracted back then, and still do. Still remember how he cared for me when I was at the worse time of my life. Thanks abang =) Also how you gave me things I really wanted and would die for…you know what =)
3. He’s very observant and keipo =P That’s another reason why I love him coz if he’s not, he might have been caught by many other girls out there long ago. He’ll always condemn almost everyone he sees especially if you’re a cinna or a chod lol. Oh hell his specialty is eavesdropping people’s conversation wtf! Yo keipo, I find that cute!
4. I love it when he’ll just come and grab my hand…
5. I love to hear him talk. He talks a looott. Lol… That makes him very special…to me. Also how he’ll always freakingly quote any shit from movies, philosophers, politicians, spongebob, cinnas, anybody! You name it!
6. I love his goldfish lips!
7. How for fuck sake he always sound so convincing -_-
8. I love how he likes to talk like Barney (not the purple monster) with the high pitch “whattt?”.
9. I love how he’ll always educate me with so many scientific terms and stuff and information and videos etc. Then I’ll forget half of it the day after =_= But heyy, at least I’m not that stupid anymore!
10. He’s an OCD. Some might find that very annoying but I find it very cute :P His actions never fail to make me smile.
11. I like the fact that not only he’s quite racist lol, but he’s a person with a very strong stand and of course, a science person. Just love how he’ll always present his thoughts and speech with scientific proofs and facts.
12. And he’s a food lover! You know how much I love to eat! Seafood especially! The countless places that we’ve been to, though it added so much Kgs to me not you, but it’s just superb each time!
The list can go on and on and I might need months to finish it, but I’d like to stop at 12 =) And I think I don’t have to say it out all here…because we have the many more years to come for me to tell it to you. And you, SSH, will always have to remind me and feed me with more gingko that how lucky I am to have you.
While typing this, I’m listening to the one song that will always remind me of the best moments…moments that I will never want to forget. Song by Emily Saliers =) I do not know why, but each time I listen to this, I’ll just think of the silly things we did. Like how we cheated the basketball arcade game just to get the tickets, the very first time you brought me to Daorae, the webcam moments during my training, and the ride home back to Malacca, the day that I thought I had a hearing problem because I couldn’t believe what I heard =P These moments mean a lot to me.
The best moment ever was when I went home knowing that i've got you =)
It has been a splendid year for me, minus the bad times. All the things that lead me to you, I thank every bit of it. I love you.
Thank you for being there for me and thanks for the wonderful year!
First anniversary!!
Yeah yeah! It's our first anniversary today! One year!! Can't believe I can be with him for one year!! When we just started, I thought it'd be very hard for me as I lack of confidence of myself...Till today, din know why he'd choose me instead of so many other girls that he knows that are smart and pretty and rich and kind and anything that you look for! Though he told me so many times before, but I still think there are many other girls that are more suitable to be with him, rather than me. I'm not rich, I'm not intelligent, I'm not from a rich family and I sound like a guy. What he sees in me and for the fact that he likes me, really made me feel so special. Thanks dear =D
Our very first anniversary falls on a Thursday dammit! Sim is in Malacca while I'm in KL here working. But it's alright, we celebrated the unofficial day on April 18th, knowing that we'll both be busy today. As long as I know he still loves me, that's what matter most =)
To my dearest Sim Siew Han, I love you more each day! I thank God for showing me the way to your life, and finally to be with you. Though it's just one year, I've learned alot from you and our relationship. I hope to be with you forever and to have beautiful kids with you. I will love you more, I wish it goes the same on your side. Truly appreciate what you've done for me and I'll repay you by loving and caring for you my love.
Happy anniversary SSH!!
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
.............
I'm feeling very very terrible now. Cried like fuck last night coz that was like our first real argument...kinda. Couldn't sleep the whole night thinking and worrying how it'd be. Up to now, he hasn't replied or message me yet. I'm really scared. I don't wanna lose him. I just love him so much ='(
Oh God, please don't do this to me. It's really very depressing.
Oh God, please don't do this to me. It's really very depressing.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
unlucky
Feeling very terrible now. Been like this whenever I'm back here from Malacca or when Sim leaves for Malacca. I'd cry thinking of my loved ones. My parents, my bf, my hometown... I just do not know how long I can last like this. Just so depressed. How can everyone manage to do it but I can't? The only reason I can think of is they have something to go back to, something to look forward to, somebody they want to see or there's just someone there with them. I come back to KL to nobody. My parents and boyfriend are all back in Malacca. I'm living here all by myself. That's just a reason/excuse I guess. There are people who are like that too but they can do it why not me?
Sighh... I hate this life. I wish it could end very sn where I can just be with people I love most.
Anyway, not a good day today.
Sim involved in a minor accident justnow after sending me to Puff's house. Yeah again...because of me. Am I bringing him bad luck? I think so too. Coz since the day we got together, there were sooo many things that happened that weren't on our side. 2 accidents within 1 year! First was because of my birthday trip and this second one was because he sent me all the way to Puff's house and when he was driving back, that happened. Sigh. I am just a girl who brings bad luck to people around me. I hate this!
And I swear I'm not gonna carpool with them anymore. Just such a terrible decision!! She had 5 ciggies throughout the way!! Heyy from Malacca to KL 5 ciggies wth!! And now I'm having flu! =_=
What a day what a day!
Sigh...
Sighh...
Sighh... I hate this life. I wish it could end very sn where I can just be with people I love most.
Anyway, not a good day today.
Sim involved in a minor accident justnow after sending me to Puff's house. Yeah again...because of me. Am I bringing him bad luck? I think so too. Coz since the day we got together, there were sooo many things that happened that weren't on our side. 2 accidents within 1 year! First was because of my birthday trip and this second one was because he sent me all the way to Puff's house and when he was driving back, that happened. Sigh. I am just a girl who brings bad luck to people around me. I hate this!
And I swear I'm not gonna carpool with them anymore. Just such a terrible decision!! She had 5 ciggies throughout the way!! Heyy from Malacca to KL 5 ciggies wth!! And now I'm having flu! =_=
What a day what a day!
Sigh...
Sighh...
Monday, May 2, 2011
Deng!
Hahh!! Back to Melaka yesterday and went shopping with mum and sis today. And Godd shopping for clothes is so fun! Its weird huh that I couldnt get nice clothes in KL but when I'm back here, sooo many nice clothes and dresses =_= I soo wanna get all of them! Too bad, very limited resources I have here, so gotta limit myself =(
Bought this one jumpsuit-cum-romper(?) from nichii and it's such a wonderful piece of addition to my wardrobe! So elegant and classy! Very different from what I normally would get. Thought of wearing it to Cindy's jie jie wedding dinner ;) First time not wearing a dress to a dinner ehh =P
Lol guess I'm just a happy girl today for being a satisfied shopper :P Heyy I'm a girl after all...
Shoppings fun! Shoppings so fun! Shoppings so damn fun!
Alright I should get some sleep now. Ciao diary.
*****************************************************
Oh before that, wanna record this moment down here lol:
Coversation between An Qi (2 years old currently) and my mum.
Mum was changing diaper for lil Aaron.
An Qi : *surprised* Yohh nanny! Why got this one wan??! *pointing at Aaron's little buddy down there*
Mum : Because he's a boy.
An Qi : *looking down* I also don't have....
HAHAHAHAHA goshh little kids this days!! Aaron is soooooooo cuteeeeeeeeeee!!
Bought this one jumpsuit-cum-romper(?) from nichii and it's such a wonderful piece of addition to my wardrobe! So elegant and classy! Very different from what I normally would get. Thought of wearing it to Cindy's jie jie wedding dinner ;) First time not wearing a dress to a dinner ehh =P
Lol guess I'm just a happy girl today for being a satisfied shopper :P Heyy I'm a girl after all...
Shoppings fun! Shoppings so fun! Shoppings so damn fun!
Alright I should get some sleep now. Ciao diary.
*****************************************************
Oh before that, wanna record this moment down here lol:
Coversation between An Qi (2 years old currently) and my mum.
Mum was changing diaper for lil Aaron.
An Qi : *surprised* Yohh nanny! Why got this one wan??! *pointing at Aaron's little buddy down there*
Mum : Because he's a boy.
An Qi : *looking down* I also don't have....
HAHAHAHAHA goshh little kids this days!! Aaron is soooooooo cuteeeeeeeeeee!!
Sunday, May 1, 2011
When I get married.....
...this two songs are soooo going into "My awesome wedding songs playlist" apart from the blasting hokkien and mandarin songs =_=
Of course the original singer is Fantasia, but I just love Charice's voice.
The nicer version me think...but no clear version of this sad.
And this song!
These songs are just so meaningful and beautiful.
Of course the original singer is Fantasia, but I just love Charice's voice.
The nicer version me think...but no clear version of this sad.
And this song!
These songs are just so meaningful and beautiful.
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