I'm of no use and help when he's sad or upset or lost.. Not at all. I can't do anything to help make things better. Call me useless. Coz I think thats what I am and will always be. I care for him sincerely and genuinely, but I guess it's just not clear enough because I'm stupid and dumb that I suck at expressing myself through both words and actions. I suck or what? I sucked before this and I still suck now.
This year is supposed to be a good year for him as his love life is supposedly to be blooming, and his birthday was supposed to be a great one as it will be very different this year. But...no. Again, not at all. Me, being the useless self, didn't even do shit to make anything 'awesome' or a surprise or anything... Probably it's all because of timing. The timing for everything is just baaad. Or is it just me. I'm a failure, as always.
Proven again when he got his result, I got emo as well. But being emo what for? Even though I can't do much to change things or the result, I should at least make the situation better...rather than make it worse! Fuck me larrr! Fuck fuck fuck! I fucking hate myself!
The road is just not clear anymore. It got blurred by so many other factors. I can't see the road ahead anymore.
Sigh... Everything turned out to be so different from what I expected it to be. Hopefully things will be back to how it used to be very soon. I'm afraid I couldn't take it. I really really miss those times alot. Things really do change and it changes very drastically. It freaks me out. But anyway, I'm prepared for all these when I decided to step into this and yeah, these are part and parcel of life. If it could turn out like how we wanted it to be, I am willing to do anything for something.
This year is supposed to be a good year for him as his love life is supposedly to be blooming, and his birthday was supposed to be a great one as it will be very different this year. But...no. Again, not at all. Me, being the useless self, didn't even do shit to make anything 'awesome' or a surprise or anything... Probably it's all because of timing. The timing for everything is just baaad. Or is it just me. I'm a failure, as always.
Proven again when he got his result, I got emo as well. But being emo what for? Even though I can't do much to change things or the result, I should at least make the situation better...rather than make it worse! Fuck me larrr! Fuck fuck fuck! I fucking hate myself!
The road is just not clear anymore. It got blurred by so many other factors. I can't see the road ahead anymore.
Sigh... Everything turned out to be so different from what I expected it to be. Hopefully things will be back to how it used to be very soon. I'm afraid I couldn't take it. I really really miss those times alot. Things really do change and it changes very drastically. It freaks me out. But anyway, I'm prepared for all these when I decided to step into this and yeah, these are part and parcel of life. If it could turn out like how we wanted it to be, I am willing to do anything for something.
No comments:
Post a Comment